During the last year or so I’ve really wavered between acceptance and denial in regards to weight loss/healthy living/body acceptance. I think both helped and hindered me majorly for the latter part of 2014 and into 2015.
Acceptance got me far. It stopped me from wearing baggy track pants and oversized tshirt all day every day (I guess so did a full time job, though). I threw self-consciousness to the wind and replaced my bootcut (apparently the best fit for my body type) jeans with skinny jeans. I wore dresses that weren’t the most flattering for said body type because I liked them. I bought nice clothes often (I fell in love with asos.com) because I was so sick of not really having a personal style. I’m sure that acceptance blurred into denial which helped me gain 15 lbs in 4 months.
I made the last payment to clear up my credit card debt for good a week ago when I noticed that I was billed for Weight Watchers online. I’ve been paying for this service while I’ve been actively gaining weight. Cue Ironic by Alanis Morrisette.
At work I went through all the foods I eat all the time to find out the Point values. My problem is I’m not necessary eating junk, I’m just eating the wrong things in the wrong portions. Too many carbs, too much sugar, not enough water, not enough fruits and vegetables, not enough 0 Point snacks.
I’m hung up on time again, just like they say, history has a way of repeating itself. Instead of being content with the fact that I have the ability to change courses, start a new path, do things different, I’m caught up on the fact that the last year, 2, 3, 6 years could have been different. The logical me knows there’s no point in crying over spilt milk, but the irrational me cannot get over it! The only thing I can do is harness that frustration and use it in my favor, to change things for good, finally.
The above was written a week ago, so far:
I made a weekly weigh in plan.
I’ve also started tracking again. In a perfect world it wouldn’t be necessary to portion everything out and track every last morsel, but this is not a perfect world. I’ve successfully tracked for a week, the official weigh in date is Sundays.
And here’s a picture of my lunch on Friday, just because it looks pretty.