I have confirmed but not yet booked a vacation in November. I’m going to Disney World with my road dogs, my mom, brother and sister, aunt and cousin. It will probably be the last time going to Disney for a while. I’m already really excited. Last year we went in August and I cannot express just how uncomfortable I was. It was averaging 93 degrees Fahrenheit which is around 33 degrees for my Celsius people. Disney World was a raging, soupy inferno thanks to the sun, humidity and surprising lack of shade.

Other than the vacation, last summer was really busy for me, being a bridesmaid really took up a lot of my summer. When my grandparents mentioned they wanted to take the family to Disney for 2 weeks, I was worried about how I would swing it so I decided to just go for a week. No one really tells you how much being a bridesmaid costs!

Preparing and packing for the vacation was horrible. I needed a bathing suit, a hat, some t-shirts, capris, sunscreen, USD and I needed everything in a hurry. I couldn’t find yoga capri pants to save my life. The 2XL Nike ones I had at home felt like Spanx and nothing I tried on in the stores fit right, I left every store frustrated. Bathing suit shopping felt like a telenovela. It was a mess. I was stressed out, unhappy and had never felt worse about myself. I had not a single item of clothing I felt confident in.

The flight was horrible, we got to the airport only to find out I wouldn’t be sitting with my family. I kept my legs clenched so tight together to make the stranger sitting next to me feel a little more comfortable, I think I pretended to sleep for the whole flight.

Not only was it really hot in Florida, but the whole week was busy. A more relaxed day in Disney usually consists of at least 10,000 steps. As someone who works in an office, I average probably 2,000 in a day. In Florida I was walking more than I had in a long time, in the heat, carrying around all this weight. I was tired. I felt like I couldn’t keep up (even though I’m pretty sure that was all in my head), my feet hurt because even the most supportive shoe can only do so much. My back hurt, I was getting more and more irritable, and I was really disappointed in myself for allowing it to get this bad. Simply standing strained my lower back, when I sat I felt like I looked like a melted mound of a person.

It’s funny how my mindset has changed in less than a year. I don’t care as much how I look in those yoga pants, I just don’t want to be fatigued all the damn time. I want to have more energy, I want to be able to swim or fly there without having to talk myself down from a mini panic attack. I want to able to walk all those steps and not feel like I’ve been trekking through the dessert for many, many months.

Really, this extends to everything in my life. The idea of going on a walk feels so foreign to me now. Walk? For pleasure? Whaaat? I have a treadmill in the bedroom, there’s absolutely no reason why I can’t use it after work while watching 1 of the 100 shows that I love.

I just don’t want to get that vacation dread that creeps up a month before I leave. The worrying about the flight and if I get separated from my family again, if the seat belt will fit. Worrying about how I look and if I’ll be able to go on all the rides and if I’ll be able to keep up.

Moral of the post, I need to lose weight for functionality more than aesthetic. Oh how I’ve grown.