Ever since I was a kid, if it was hard, whatever it may be, I might attempt it, but I would ultimately give up. The fact that I threw in the towel might nag at me a bit, would I would (and do) quickly get over it and wouldn’t (and don’t) give much thought about it again. This doesn’t just apply to weight loss attempts, it pretty much goes for everything. I stray/ignore/procrastinate a lot.
My work is relocating in the not-so near future and while the role I’m in doesn’t suit me at all, and I swore up and down that I would not get stuck in it (despite the fact that every week when that direct deposit enters my bank account, I am grateful), the idea of updating my resume, going to interviews, competing for a position fills me with dread. Whether it be the fact that I’m super self conscious and don’t think I have a shot or whether I would just prefer doing something else, who knows. So I’m procrastinating.
I probably don’t have as much money as I should saved, I didn’t really start getting serious about saving money until a couple months ago. I put it off and put it off until I was laying in bed one day when the idea that there is a very slight possibility I could get laid off popped into my head. I then worried until the early hours of the morning that there was a very slight possibility I cold get laid off. I’m not quite at the point of stashing money, like nuts, away for the winter but I’m making sure to pay myself first now. At least I’m not ignoring this anymore.
I have three weeks of vacation and instead of going somewhere this year, I’m taking days off here and there, attaching them to civic holidays and my natural days off, and planning two vacations next year. The problem is, last year I was planning a trip for this September, I got excited about it then and when April 2015 rolled around, I just didn’t book anything. I’m putting off traveling until I can feel better about myself, fit in a place seat comfortably, wear a bathing suit without cringing. I’m always making plans for the future, and putting them off when the future arrives. I must stop doing that.
I’m going to make a solid plan to work on my resume this Sunday, as absolutely tedious as that sounds right now. I’m going to set up a direct deposit from my chequing account to my savings account, every pay day. I’m going to start working on myself so I can get excited, stay excited and actually live out my plans.
In general updates, I’m doing pretty well. I’ve been going through weeks of ‘being in a funk’, not necessarily sad, just blah. For the longest while I wasn’t reading, wasn’t really going out, just going to work, coming home, sleeping, going to work, coming home, sleeping and on and on and on. I think it’s stemming from not doing much but going to work and coming home and sleeping.
My scale is broken. I keep haphazardly trying it out and it’s still broken. Every time I try I get annoyed that it’s not working and yet I haven’t bought another one. I’m pretty sure its because I don’t want to spend upwards of $50 on something thats going to tell me what I don’t want to know. I know pants that used to be comfortable are now a little tight and I can tell that I feel heavier. I’ll probably cave in the next couple weeks and get one, I really should get back in the habit of weighing myself at least weekly. If nothing else, at this point, it’s a good reminder to either get my shit together and keep doing what I’m doing.
Tracking is still hit and miss, I’ll do it for a day and then not do it for 2 or 3 days. I don’t love the Weight Watchers online tool, I much prefer to write it all out so I’m a little torn between keeping paying for the online service, just because or cancel it and either start going to meetings again (expensive, but ultimately worth it I think, then again there’s that whole ‘no time’ thing…) or just using the online bootleg calculator and writing it out in a notebook. Decisions, decisions.
I’ve been actually enjoying buying clothes lately, even though they’re not in the size I would like. Below are some of the things I’ve purchased recently.
My discovery for Asos.com is very near and dear to my heart. Asos.com is an online fashion retailer based out of the UK. Their Curve label makes the comfiest, true to size, jeans that I can get away with wearing to work. It’s really nice when you can put on clothes and not feel that disappointment of ‘ughhhhhhh they don’t fit’. Below are the ankle grazer, ultra high rise and super soft skinny fits that I bought. The ankle grazers, in a 24, are actually a bit big for me, they’re pretty baggy in the bottom area but they look really cute with flats and Converses.
They also had a great 50% off sale and there was a shirt that everything in my soul said I needed. It’s my style to a t, somewhat structured, black and longer.
The only problem was, I waited too long and the only thing size I could get was an 18, which is currently 4 sizes too small. I know they say not to buy pieces you can’t fit into now, but I’m thinking of using it as a goal piece for the fall.
Reitmans has a very limited plus size section which I think runs small, but sometimes they have really cute, good quality pieces. I grabbed this shirt on sale. I like it because it has just enough stretch and it’s not a lightweight material (which I really hate because they always get stretched out) but you can get away with wearing it on cooler summer days.
Now, lets talk about Addition Elle. I have a love/hate relationship with Addition Elle. There used to be located in malls but now I believe the only locations they have are at outdoor shopping centres. AE went through a brand refocusing around 2012, updating their stores to feature more glass and chandeliers, overall a sleeker, more modern look. Their clothes got an update as well, shifting from typical and frumpy to more edgy, fashion forward pieces. I like that their clothes don’t make me look like a 50 year old, but in Canada, theres not a lot of options for good quality, fashionable plus sized clothes. Therefore, AE really feel like the default place to shop. I also feel like their bottoms run a little small. When pieces from Addition Elle’s fall lookbook appeared in their new arrival sections online, I thought they were pretty lacklustre. I took a quick peek yesterday and boy was I wrong.
I NEED these pieces. The bottom lace dress would probably be worn with opaque black tights, the upper right colour blocking sweater with black jeans, the top middle shirt with a longer line black cardigan and the upper left just as shown. Give me a longer, black, chiffon, sheer tunic and I’m all over it, give me one with a edgy print and I squee inside! I’ll probably need to buy the pieces in conjunction with coupons and definitely not all at once because Addition Elle is a bit more expensive, but I need these clothes in my life. I’m thinking of buying them in at least a size smaller, call me an optimist.
This summer has made me realize, I’m not a summer girl. I dislike being hot it makes me feel uncomfortable and out of sorts. Summer attire makes me uncomfortable too, I don’t think my upper arms have seen the light of day since my cousins wedding, last August and that was because I didn’t want to be the only loser wearing a shawl. I’m waiting for cooler days, apple picking, pumpkin spice everything and for the first time ever this fall, leather boots. That’s going to be my late September mission, the perfect boots for chubby calves.
I just bought a Ninja bullet blender because I missed smoothies.
After a couple attempts at trying different kinds like the avocado, cocoa powder and honey one (which tasted exactly like dirt), I’m sticking to the usual almond milk, banana, spinach and some kind of berry.
My eats haven’t drastically changed, I’m still eating too many processed carbs and I’m still struggling to decide whens a good time to eat. I leave for work at 9:45 am, start at 12, lunch/dinner break at 3, home at 8:45 pm. I might start trying to eat oatmeal again before I leave for work, light snack when I get to work, dinner at 3, light snack or nothing at all when I get home. I really need to find my groove and get the non-existent scale moving downwards.
I’ve missed blogging, I hope these ramblings are making sense and are at least somewhat enjoyable.
I got glasses just for reading or when my eyes get sleepy in February. Here’s some shameless glasses selfie. I dig them!
I just finished a great book, hopefully I’ll get my review up at http://www.erinreadit.wordpress.com tonight, it’s been a couple months.